new

This journey of my recent education, it feels bittersweet how I can’t truly unpack the depths for which it has transformed my life, my self, my self-awareness, my brain, my heart, my entire outlook on life/love/and the universe at large. I went from having a hodge podge of starts and stops in college, culinary school, […]

4/16/20

I’d be lying if I said this week doesnt grind the grief in my stomach… There is so much grief showing up in all of our lives right now. Stories are coming out about how people are dying alone and loved ones are forced to grieve all alone, isolated.  I cannot begin to know that […]

seasons end

I’ll keep summer, though, thanks! I’m not particularly great at a stringent routine. I think its because I lack practice?, my roots have been uprooted for the better part of a decade and my transient life has required I not get too comfortable in one setting. School ended for me a week ago, started for […]

rising

“I was the type of person that held onto things too tight.  Unable to release my grip when it no longer felt right.  And although it gave me blisters and my fingers would all ache, I always thought that holding on was worth the pain it takes.  I used to think in losing things I’d […]

relate

I have learned a lot about life and love and relating and my own self the last 2 years. I feel at times I have been catapulted face first into the personal growth and healing and learning of 10 years in just 2. Sure, its been a lot. And people with “a lot” just have […]

identity

When do you stop being a widow, …or can you? There have been many moments throughout this walk as Shayne’s widow I don’t have all the right words or phrases or even authenticity locked and loaded. I have struggled with finding the words for my emotions. The words don’t always match the weight of what […]

lift and carry

Its been 2.5 years ago today. I’m trying to focus on… not the day, but instead, what positive changes… growth… leaps… bigness I have stepped into since. The progress. Instead of focusing and rewinding myself right back to those moments 2.5 years ago…. What beauty have I created in the space he no longer occupies? […]

one

A terrible, toxic liar tried to hold me hostage. Until today. Day one. I don’t want to hide from this space. That wasn’t why I created it. I didn’t create it to back away when things were good bad or ugly. I never knew how ugly they could possibly get but I keep reminding myself… […]

recognizable

I haven’t felt like writing about my life so much as I have been (& wanting to) actively participate in living it. Other outlets for my creativity have become available. Or… maybe I am just avoiding sitting with myself and getting honest in this space. I’ve been busy creating in other ways. Therapy helps but […]

&

I really don’t know if I would even want to, I wouldn’t want to spoil any of this and really, wouldn’t have wanted any of this to happen any differently… but if I had to. If I had to tell my newly-widowed self one thing. One thing that might help turn a corner faster. Or, […]